Daisuki Da Yo
by Lightning-Dono
Summary: Shuji reads Chise's latest entry in their shared journal and writes a reply...[Oneshot]


**Lightning-Dono**: I've only watched the first four episodes of Saikano, but I want to give it a shot. This is about Shuji and how he feels about Chise.

No random Japanese involved! Although I would like to say one thing...Akemashite omodeto gozaimasu! (Just learned it last week in Japanese class...)

**Daisuki Da Yo**  
**By**: Lightning-Dono  
**Status**: One-Shot

--

As always, he slouched over his desk into the late hours of dusk, his desk light providing the only illumination he needed to complete his daily task – filling out the journal that Chise handed back to him every other day. The yellow journal that use to signal warning signs to his brain with its cutesy designs, round shapes outlining the cover and stationary-esque sheets of paper bound within. This very object had been the bane of his love life with Chise for days before he had come to accept it as a way to receive information about his girlfriend.

Shuji flipped open the cover and rifled through a few opening pages before he reached Chise's latest entry. As always, her neat handwriting filled up atleast two pages, always stating that she was sorry every other sentence no matter how often he demanded that she would simply recognize that she was accountable for whatever trouble she caused instead of having to apologize so much. Yet, she never listened. The boy smiled involuntarily; Chise was so extremely shy on the outside, but she had her own defiance brewing and Shuji could sense the innocent power she radiated with whenever he was in her presence. But after seeing how much pain she was in, he felt that her soul was slowly deteriorating as time went on, wearing away at what brightness she had left to leave a darker being. She was still happy, he knew, whenever he was around her, but it was a more forced happiness as days went on. It was as though every smile she summoned onto her pale, bruised face was as forced as every consecutive one following it. Shuji supposed that he could tell she was happy at points, but she just couldn't pretend anymore. The fact that she was now the ultimate weapon constantly haunted the back alleys of her mind. She simply hurt too much to show any more signs of being human; it was as though all joy had been eliminated from those usually vibrant eyes.

Snapping out of his dulling thoughts, he began to peruse the text.

_Dear Shuji,_

_I wiped out Okinawa yesterday...what's wrong with me? My body won't start developing into this monstrous killing machine and I can't help but think that this is just another punishment. I don't want to see anything anymore. I can't help but look at you and think that you deserve someone better – someone who will meet up with you when they promise to and not be so weak and submissive...someone without these problems. I'm sorry that it had to be me you got caught up with. I love you so much, I'll love you forever, but someone like you should have more. So much more than this. _

Shuji's heart underwent a wrenching feeling as he spotted dried tear droplet stains slightly smearing the ink.

_I'm beginning to accept that what happened to me wasn't just a coincidence. It was meant to be this way, and I was meant to kill against my own will. As the days go on, I begin to think of this as a way to protect people, but all I am doing is destroying. Shuji, what do I do? I want to protect those innocent lives, like Take, that had so much love in their hearts. I'm sorry that I sound so weak. _

Once again, Shuji stopped reading to feel the power of what she was saying. Such simplistic wording that implied so much more. She yearned to protect, yet because of her form she couldn't do it.

_I can't keep on doing this anymore. Everything's going so far and all I'm doing it contributing to the problem. I save so few people and get rid of so many more who didn't do anything wrong to be at the receiving end of something so terrible. I don't know what I'm doing anymore, Shuji! When I go out there, I just attack and I can't stop myself. So many enemies I have to get rid of that I can't help but kill. They could be after you, or Akemi, or anyone...and I don't want any of you to be lost. _

_I don't want to live this nightmare anymore, Shuji. It's gone too far and I need to redeem myself for the sins I've committed, for the terrible things I have done to people. All I did was inflict pain. I might've even hurt you, Shuji...I'm sorry if I did._

_No..._Shuji thought to himself, grasping the edges of the journal. _You never hurt me, Chise. Never._ But she wasn't here with him now to know what he was thinking. She wasn't here with him now so he could say that to her.

_I think I deserve death. I want this all to end, and maybe with my absence, the war will end. Maybe it's all because of me. _

Shuji's heart stumbled over a few beats. His hands shook as he clutched the journal, his glasses dotted with tears. _Don't leave me now._

_I'm sorry, Shuji.  
__I love you.  
__Good-bye,  
__Chise_

Regaining his sense of self, he grabbed thick black pen, turned to the next page and spread it out evenly with his still-shaking hand. He couldn't let her go through with this - whatever type of stunt she was attempting to pull that would result in her death. With a pen, a journal, and his heart he needed to bring back her love of life and her bubbly personality with a single entry.

How could he sum up his feelings for her in words? It seemed to be a nearly impossible feat as he sat there, expression remaining static, his mind searching endlessly for a way to express what he truly wanted to say. He wanted to write down everything, reply to every statement she had made in her last entry, but he couldn't. It was too painful to return to those pages to read her self-esteem demeaning comments, the things she had said about herself that couldn't have been less than the truth. But nothing could ever describe the feelings he felt for her, the words he wanted to herald to her, the emotions he wanted her to feel.

Except one of the most simplest statements ever. It was said that when said truthfully, this line had a powerful meaning rather than shallow and common, and he was going to put it to good use.

Shuji's hand relaxed into its normal writing position around the pen and wrote on the next page with a flourish:

_Chise...  
__Daisuki da yo...I love you.  
__Love,  
__Shuji_


End file.
